Give your child choices so they can't help but succeed

If your child is not responding to your directions, take a deep breath and try these 3 steps.

1. Notice the specific behaviors and wonder about her feelings. "I notice that all afternoon, when I ask you to do something, you have a hard time doing it. I wonder if you're feeling mad or sad about something.

2. Give her the chance to say how she feels or what she needs and empathize.

3. Then develop a choice you know you can stick to and that is reasonable for the situation.

The important thing is to keep your anger out of the interaction as much as you can, create reasonable directives, and avoid just telling her to "stop" or "behave". If you need to take a few seconds to calm down, let her know and do what you need to do to collect yourself.

For more specific parent coaching, visit www.plumdistrict.com through September 1st for a great deal on a parent coaching session or child/teen assessment. It's in the Marin district this week and East Bay district next week.

To learn more about me and how I work, visit www.creativejourneying.net.

5 ways to enhance bonding between you and your 2-4 year-old.

1. Look at your child and smile at least 10 times today. Hold your gaze as long as they hold theirs.

2. Give your child 5 big hugs today. Go for the bear hug and hold on until you and your child are relaxed.

3. Affirm your child in a very specific and clear way in front of another important person in their life. Affirm a quality they showed you today - something they have control over, versus something that's inherent. So it's better to say, "Amanda was really kind to another child who was crying and showed them caring" than "Amanda is such a sweet little girl".

4. Spend a half hour in nature with your child. This can mean just really looking at a tree in the back yard.

5. Verbally empathize and mirror your child's emotional state without judgment or trying to change it. Show him or her that you can really stand in his or her shoes for a moment.

If you're having a challenging time as a parent or would like a greater repertoire of skills as a parent, go to plumdistrict.com for a great deal on a parent coaching session (Marin district this week, East Bay district next week). Visit me at www.creativejourneying.net for more information about how I work.

Ask your child to teach you a new dance.

Often relationship stress between parent and child is correlated with changes in the emotional bond between parent and child. Even the healthiest bond can be taxed by new developmental stages, emotional upsets, life transitions, and a general increase in stress.

Bonding can be enhanced through a shared activity with your child. And if a child can teach you something, it engenders trust and a sense of competence in the relationship. Moreover, dancing is great physical exercise, releases endorphins (which can lead to more positivity and creative problem-solving), and learning a new dance is one of the best ways to keep the brain fit as well.

So find your child's favorite music and ask them to teach you a dance. Then teach them one. Repeat, enjoy!

For more parent coaching or a child/teen assessment, go to plumdistrict.com and buy a voucher for a greatly reduced session (Marin district this week, East Bay district next week). You can visit me at www.creativejourneying.net for more information about me and how I work.

See the joy in stress!

A friend of mine, who has a child, had a huge placard on his wall that said, "ENJOY STRESS". I asked him why and he said, "well it's unavoidable in life and it means things are going well. Stress comes with having an active child, a thriving business, and an interesting life".

We spend our lives trying to decrease stress, cope with it, avoid it as much as possible. These are all great ideas. And yet, stress is a part of life, particularly if you're a parent. So when you're running around, kids crying, dog barking, and it's truly a "Calgon, take me away moment", take a deep breath and look around you. Say a quick "thank you" for that crying child, that dog you love, and all of the other great things in your life that are bringing the stress. It won't make it go away, but it might just make you feel better about it!

Visit me at www.creativejourneying.net and visit www.plumdistrict.com for a great deal on a parent coaching or child/teen assessment with me (Marin district this week, East Bay district next week). I have over 20 years of experience working with parents and children.

Parent coaching is like personal training (or music lessons)!

Even the healthiest, most experienced athlete sometimes needs someone to watch their form and give them tips to improve their game. The most experienced musicians occasionally ask a professional teacher to offer them some suggestions to make the music even sweeter.

It's true for parents as well! Life sometimes throws a curve or presents a challenging musical passage. The more skills you have to navigate these times, the better. And in the meantime, parent coaching can really improve an already good family situation.

I'm offering a special deal on plumdistrict.com now through the 28th. It's an even better deal than using your insurance.

Visit me at www.creativejourneying.net for more information about me and how I work.